i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
