i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
