sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
