i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
