if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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