She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
