You work out of a Hotel?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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