I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
