not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
