Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
