You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got inside last night via doggy door
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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