I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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