i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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