i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
