Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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