Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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