never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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