and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
