Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
