i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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