Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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