D3 body, D1 cock
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
