My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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