My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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