hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
