Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
