Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
