So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
