id be glad to
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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