Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
