It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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