Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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