the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im six kinds of drunk right now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
