Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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