is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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