Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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