I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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