Someone shit on the floor
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
