she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
