I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You ate ashes out of my bong
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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