Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
