If i come over, it means nothing
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
