He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
