I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
