Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
