I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
