So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
