I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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