I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
