you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
