There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
