So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
