Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
