I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
