Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you traded sex for a burrito?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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