Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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