I accidentally had phone sex last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
