its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
