ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
