I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
