Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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