Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
