i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
