look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
