I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize