the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
