Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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