youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize