i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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