yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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