Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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