the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
