I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
